Sometimes people speak without thinking, sometimes people assume without seeing, sometimes people don't see what they don't wish to.  Adaptation is a necessity, not an option. Reconsider your situation and quit complaining if you force it upon yourself... something I need to watch out for myself, for I shall become the reason of my own anger and disappointment.  It is easy to point out an event and make and issue of it when you have the time to be doing otherwise. Anyone can do that, so respect a little more, and receive in return. Man is man and so are you. Ain't nobody asking to see your resume everyday. 

 Life is a game of shots fired and rebounds from failure. Do you know how to play the game?   Dedication is one thing, ignorance is another.

People need to grow up, that includes the other half of me which desires to just enjoy... I dont want to lose that flare, but I guess I can put it on lay away.  Life is more interesting when you can start to visualize  your options.

Don't be a fool. Be Real.

So im off today and I find myself watching Final Fantasy VII. This has got to be the best cgi films right now. I watched it 3x in 2 days. I can't get over the details of realistic countenance, motion, emotion... Its a very impressive movie i tell you.  Any who, I saw daylight for about 2 hrs and then the sun went down, so i guess this is when my day begins. It's 8:48pm now and Im ready for the world!! Too bad most of ny is home or eating or something... already done for the day.. but alas!  I shall work ahead of all and do stuff for tomorrow!! hehe. Whatever.

I feel like taking a stroll around the city, maybe visit Central Park again like i did the other day. I saw a really disappointing aptmnt and afterwards walked up the street to the park where i sat there for an hour thinking to myself. Then a bus happened to pull up to the curb, so i got on and let it take me away.. good thing it wasnt north bound or i would have ended up somewhere in Harlem.  I think I need some adventure. Things are getting boring.

Work is cool, but in the end, its just a mini society created to allow people to survive. We(management) are the government, utilizing our resources(employees, vendors, etc.) to make money, therefore we make the rules. This is one of my worlds. I believe I have many worlds, therefore there are many different "me"'s. Survival is to be adaptable to any situation, person, environment. Those that make me feel comfortable and allow me to feel free and not give a shit about what world im in, are the ones that share the biggest bonds with me. But those people tend to share the same values, or are going through similar/rough times, or share the same ambitions... those are my people. Everybody lives in their own world and the network of worlds that we have, that share events, people and places form who and what we are as a whole.

I dont know why i digress about life and get lost in the details of it. I guess i just want to understand and be happy with whatever decisions i make or experiences I learn from.

I wonder if anyone is listening/reading... It would be a waste to type something into existence when nobody is there to share it.

Another rainy day in the city and i just want to eat some bagels with cream cheese, wear a warm jacket, a hoodie and not have to walk like 80 miles per hour. Today should be one of those "take it easy" days... oh well, we'll see how it turns out. I think the physical torture this weather puts us through is grounds for more internal thoughts. You try not to think about how wet ur getting, or how cold it is, so u zone out more. Got some things on my mind, both good and bad... who doesn't.  I'll have to put the bad aside and get my shit done. The good will keep me going and that'll keep me warm for a while.

I feel uneasy sometimes, as if a situation will present itself with great clarity, like light erasing the shades of grey; changing the contrast of life from darkness to pure white.  This uneasiness is derived from my fears as a voyager journeying through current time, living life as it comes, making judgements through logic and common sense. Comfort through practice is dangerous. Big change is inevitable with such vast possibilities at our age... at any age. What do we do with life interrupted? How do we deal with it? At some point we all need to take a step back and re-evaluate our current situations. How do our standards compare to others? Is it too low? How have we progressed on a personal level to get a step closer to that ideal way of living? I remember thinking that I had no dream.  The more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable I became. But then it occured to me that there was something within myself that yearned for a feeling. Unclear as it was in my head, the feeling I was desparate for had always been there, so indirect and covered with the layers of crap that I convince myself to believe to get through the hard times.  It went a little like this:

The cool floor feels good against my feet. The steps I take, which bring me closer to the source of warm, fuzzy feelings. The brighter it gets, the warmer the floor becomes. An orange yellow tint coats itself over the mass of the room. The soft, white curtains conceal what need not be seen until my eyes adjust and are prepared to accept the details of my already luminescent surroundings. I turn the handles to the french doors that connect me to everything else that exists in this life. Convinced by the breezes of the ocean and lightly crashing waves, the doors slowly sway open as softly as can be.  This new friend of mine brings in everything from outside which i am unfamiliar with, yet manages to calm me with its pursuasive nature, and i submit to its demand. Now the curtains flutter and dance as though some new beginning has arrived and I step out into time.

I think deep down this is where I wanna be at some point in my life. When my life reaches this peak of dreams, then I know that I've headed in the right direction and that life has just begun. As long as you have "it" in mind, I think your mind makes slight changes in direction to redirect your life to where you want to end up. You just have to be sensitive to yourself and understand you.